He grabs me by my collar,
Hands rough and unforgiving.
He pulls me close to him, bitter breath
And bitter expression.
He stares me down and says,
"You aren't enough, you're small.
You want what you want but
Can't accept it.
You're hooked on a dream
That shattered when you reached for it.
If you could will the bones within you
To fold in on themselves like an accordian, you would.
You'd do it in a moment.
And i'm just the messenger."
He lets go, his stale and sour breath
Lingering in the air between us.
I begin to weep because he's right
And I'm wrong. The heavy continues to
Be heavier. I can't escape his foul words.
I reach for help and crave light.
I catch glimpses like a fish underwater.
I crave light but it seems so far away
And so impossible.
I feel small because my problems must be, right?
I must be too much or not enough.
That's the chaotic balance I lured myself
Into when I began to listen to that man
With sunken eyes and foul breath.
I listened to him one too many times
And now I'm wrong and he's right.